Sunday, April 26, 2009

Still waiting

So, it's Sunday, nine days past Friday, April 17, and still no Lily. I'm getting quite frustrated, which probably isn't the best way to feel when you're really wanting to bring a baby into this world. It's just that I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'm so afraid he's going to talk about deciding upon an induction date. Dave and I have said from the beginning that we want this to be on Lily's terms, but we can only honor her terms for so long. I told Dave the other day that I'm so afraid if we induce that Lily won't make it. What kind of a chance are we really giving her if we pile on a drug whose side effect includes distress, when her condition makes it more probable that she'll go through distress without that drug's side effects?

To make matters worse, tomorrow is my birthday. I'm usually not the freakish kind when it comes to my birthday, but I'll be honest and say that I'm dreading it. My main fear? What if Lily is born tomorrow and she doesn't survive? Will I be able to look on that day as a blessing for the remainder of my life, or will it be a day I'll never be able to be happy on? I know I'm overthinking all of this and that I have absolutely no control over the matter, but it only adds to my stress.

Other than that, I can't wait to post to this blog that I'm on my way to the hospital. I'm still hoping to be able to keep everyone posted during Lily's birth. . .whenever that may be! :)


  1. I'm sorry that you haven't been able to meet Lily yet. Just a note about inducing, I read a lot of other mother's stories about inducing and their babies making it through labour. I know that it may not be the 'plan' that we have but in our situation I am trying to let go and realize that there are no wrong decisions in this case, just different paths that our babies and bodies will dictate for us. No matter what you have done everything to provide the best chance for Lily. Continually praying and thinking of you - Shannon (Oliver's mom)

  2. Hi Jill. Perhaps you can help Lily by reassuring her that it is ok to come out. I believe they can sense fear so prefer the comfort of the womb. Hope she responds. Fingers crossed you do not have to induce, the chemicals can't be good for her.

  3. I know this might not be the choice you want to make, but have you thought about a C-section? It might be the easiest, less stressful way for Lily to make her way into the world.

    Big hugs to you. No matter what happens and what decision you make regarding her birth (waiting it out, induction, whatever), you know you will be doing it with love in your heart.

  4. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I truly hope that you are able to enjoy your special day and get to have a wonderful date night with your awesome husband.

    I have no wonderfully thought out advice about how long to wait or if you should go ahead and help Lily make her appearence. I don't need to tell you that God ALREADY knows EVERYTHING about her life. When she will come and how long she will be with you (hopefully a long...long...long...time!). You already know all of that! So I will be praying that you are able to follow HIS lead...and I will be praying for Him to give you peace in ANY and ALL decisions you get to make for your beautiful daughter.

  5. Hey Jill! It's after midnight so... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! April 26 was the day Justin was due and I kept hoping he waited one day and was born on your birthday. No luck there. We can't wish him a happy birthday til May 8! It was a long (almost) two weeks for me! Don't worry about Lily. You told her it was on her terms! She will present herself when she is ready! Hopefully, soon though! Let's cheer her on! Come on Lily, you can do it!

    Hope to hear that you are on your way soon!

    Love, yvonne

  6. Happy Birthday Jill! I can't imagine the waiting...Hang in there, she'll decide she's ready soon! Thinking of you guys! Love, Amy