Wishes

I used to be a spoiled brat. That was a lifetime ago, when birthday candles and stars and four-leaf clovers actually promised something--Barbie dream houses or stereos or cars. Somewhere along the way, my wishes became less concrete and I lost control. Oh, please let that boy like me. Can our team have a winning season? I wish I would get that job. Eventually, we're not going to always get our way. Life has a funny way of preparing you for let downs.

I am at a point in my life where I don't wish for material things, but it surely would be nice if I could just close my eyes and blow out a candle, and I could get my way. Just this once. Please.

Of course, you know what I would be wishing for. I'll just go ahead and say it. I wish that Lily did not have Trisomy 18. I wish I wasn't faced with her potential death and the little things that go along with it, firsts. . .and lasts. They might be one and the same.

My wishes and my prayers are not the same, though. I just cannot pray for Lily to not have T-18, and I usually do not dwell on my wish for her to be "normal." But I have my moments. This is one of them.

Through all of this, I still thank God for all that I have been blessed with, and I believe with all of my heart that this is how it is supposed to be, that I am supposed to rise to this challenge. Some days it is easier said than done.

I think I'm just tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally tired. It's easy blowing out candles. It's easy looking out your window and reciting a few lines to a star. It's easy to sit in a patch of clovers and eventually find the one you're looking for. I'd love to say that the easy way isn't the way to grow a person. I know that's true, but tonight, I'd really like to be able to take the easy way and just close my eyes and make a wish.