Thursday, February 5, 2009


I think I know why I had such strong wishes yesterday. Over the weekend, Dave, Gabriel, and I took a break from home and went to Ohio to celebrate Dave's brother's 40th birthday. Along the way, I don't know if I was in a daze or talking to Dave or playing with Gabriel, but it dawned on me that I was at this complete peace. For this short amount of time, I had let go of this weight I have been carrying. For this moment, it was like I had not only forgotten that Lily has T-18, I had forgotten that I was even pregnant.

It was such a release. I hate to say it, but it was, in its own sense, a break from the load I have been carrying for the past few months. It felt wonderful, but it was short-lived. It was the first time I have been able to let go like that.

As much as I probably needed that release, it's only made me crave normalcy. Usually, my rebellious soul bucks the normal, but not this time. This time, I'm wanting something I can't have. Wishing, you might say.

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