Blessing

I regularly visit the discussion board on www.trisomy18.org. I found the following article last night, which was really interesting because Dave and I recently had a talk similar to what this article discusses.

This article was posted in May 1980, unknown paper and author

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.
This year 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how these mothers of handicappped children are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew. Forest, Marforie; daughter; patron saint, Cecilia.
"Rutledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint...Giver her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a blind child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," says God. "Could I give a child with a handicap to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps. "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.
"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see -- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice -- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, pen poised in midair.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

I thought I would share that because, of late, I've been considering myself blessed to have this experience with Lily. I don't think too many people understand that. No, I didn't ask for a baby with Trisomy 18. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. But this has changed my life, and it will change even more.

I have a choice in how I look at this. I could look at it as if God is punishing me for things I've done in the past. I believe too much in the God of the New Testament to think that He's that type of punisher. I could blame nature and say this is just the way it happened, be the 1 in 3,000 statistic. I hate being a negative statistic. It just doesn't make me feel good about myself. Or I can think that maybe God looked down at me and Dave and gave us this gift. Perhaps He saw in us something that confirmed that we are the right ones for this baby.

I do not say this with conceit. All I have done is accepted this gift and made a promise that I'll do the best I can for her. I have learned that this is one gift that can never be taken for granted.

I know this won't be easy. I know the outcome has the potential to cast me into a pit of despair I've never visited before. I don't look forward to that. But I sit here tonight, and I can't help feeling that this child inside of me, the one whose every cell possesses an extra 18th chromosome, is a blessing.