Little Miss Priss

Finally! Time to sit down and update everyone! Lily is still with us and doing fine. Yesterday, the hospice nurse came in. Lily's heartrate was 180. It's been 160, so I was a little concerned, but as concerned as I was, I just couldn't ask her what that actually meant. I wasn't prepared to hear bad news (if there was bad news to give).
I worried about Lily all day long yesterday. Not so much because of the heartrate but because she slept ALL day. I was so afraid that it was her little body giving up. Not so! Little Miss Priss piped up as soon as her daddy came home. I think she just missed him because she stayed awake for a good couple of hours. I was hoping that would be enough for her to also sleep during the night, but no, she was awake during her 2:00 feeding and stayed awake past 3:00. I think she just wanted to be held, so I put her in bed with me and let her look at the bathroom light. We both got our cake--she was held and I slept.
She slept this morning but woke up when I had to wash her off because she threw up a little and it ran down her neck. Luckily, this hasn't been much of a problem. I'd say she stayed awake for a good two hours (while Gabriel napped--wouldn't you know it would happen that way), and she was so wide-eyed and squirmy. A little fussy, but SO DARNED CUTE! Of course, when feeding time came and I got up from my oogling and partial nap, she fell asleep. Is this the beginnings of the momma curse? :)
I say it all in jest because I am still so thankful that yet another day has come and Lily is still here! I'll take the cries, the sleepless nights (are those cries actually louder at night?), the throw up, the dirty diapers--ALL!
I try not to let fear creep in, but sometimes it does. The longer she's with us, the harder it's going to be to let go. I know that, but I'm still trying to keep the perspective of gratitude for each day that we've got with her. Like I said in an earlier post--more than I bargained for.