Amazed

I've contemplated sharing this incident that happened the other night--there's an intimacy about it that made me wonder if I should share, but it was also an absolutely beautiful moment that I can't help but sharing.

Lily is spoiled, I'll not lie. We gladly spoil her. Couple that with the fact that I'm exhausted, and you have a baby who cries in the night and gets put in the bed with mommy and daddy. I just turn the bathroom light on and position her in the crook of my arm so she can look at the light. She's held (just like she wants to be) and occupied (just like I want her to be) and I sleep (just like I want to do).

Early the other morning (Lily was in the bed with us), I awoke to her grunting. I moved her so that she was about a foot away from me, and I turned myself on my side so that I was facing her, but there was enough space in between us. Like I said, about a foot. I stayed awake because she kept grunting. After a while, she had nuzzled her sweet little self right up against me. Her little head kept moving back and forth. She nuzzed some more. Now, I did not have a shirt on, and before long, she had latched on to me (all by herself!) and laid perfectly still and fell asleep.

I tell you this because Lily's never expressed interest in nursing. Every ounce of breast milk that she's gotten has been pumped into a bottle and is either taken that way or put into the bag to be pumped into her. It amazes me that this little one month old was able to move herself and find me. It amazes me that she latched on. It amazes me that I was able to comfort her directly in that way. I'm telling you, this little girl amazes me every day. It was such a beautiful moment.