This is a 4D image taken at our most recent ultrasound on January 14, 2009. This is Lily Grace. When I saw this image, my first impression was how much she looked like Gabriel, her brother. Dave saw it, too, but added that she has softer features. Doesn't she look peaceful? Even though it's an ultrasound, I think she looks beautiful, too.
I have had a lot of people tell me after reading these blogs that I am so brave, that I have so much strength. I think I've misled a lot of you. I read a quote the other day that fits me perfectly. Courage is not the towering oak, but the fragile blossom that opens in the snow. Please do not look up to me. I am not the towering oak that I'm afraid some people see me as.
Fragile. That's more like it. I open in my own snow, this cold period in my life, because I have to. I'm not trying to rise above this as much as I'm just trying to push my way through, past the hurt.
Here's an analogy: Gabriel has been waking up around 1:00 in the morning. I've been going to bed later than I should be, but I still have to wake up when he cries out. The other night, he woke around 12:00. I got up with him and rocked him, but he was quite restless. After I went back to bed, he cried out again, so I had to get up to check on him and calm him. It was almost 2:00 before I was able to go to sleep for the night. Did I want to get out of bed, as tired as I was? Not at all, but I had to. For him.
It's getting late, and while I have so much more to say, I've got a friend to call and some sleep to catch. Where does the time go?
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