Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I See Love

Oh, I hope I haven't misled too many people! The ultrasound I referred to in yesterday's blog did not happen yesterday. I'm still in the past, trying to catch everyone up to speed. Thank you for the extra special thoughts and prayers, but it's not been too bad of a week.

For any of you who are wondering why I chose to call this blog "I See Love," here's the background information. As I've said before, there are people in the medical community who look at this as futile. While the doctors haven't come out and said anything specific, there's this hint in the air that they encourage pregnancy termination. Maybe I've said this before, but there's this overwhelming protective feeling that I have for Lily. I just want to wrap my hands around my belly and say, "You are not taking this child," as if I have to fight really hard for her life. But isn't that what I should be doing? I mean, isn't she doing that for herself?
There are some who don't look at this from a medical perspective but look at it more from a convenience perspective. Their argument against keeping the baby is that it's going to take a toll on our finances, our family, and our sanity. I've spoken to other mothers who have surviving children, and I know this will not be easy. But the right choice isn't always the easy choice. For me and Dave, this is the right choice.
There are some who may even criticize us for keeping a child who is a burden to society, a "retard." She is my burden to bear.
I truly respect all of these views. But they are not within my way of thinking. The way I've chosen has been because I know no other way, for myself. I have to give Lily a chance.
The way Dave sees it is from the "golden rule" view. He would want someone to fight for him, so it's only right that he should fight for Lily. I'm very fortunate that both of us agree.
So others see a child "incompatible with life," a life made difficult, a burden, maybe even a pregnancy in vain. Well, I see love. Plain and simple.
Now, I wish this phrase were my own, but it's not. Once again, I am inspired by song. When the movie The Passion came out, a companion soundtrack accompanied it. In the song, we are told that some see Christ as this, some see Him as that. But the singer sees love. I've included the song in my playlist below, in case you're curious. This song hits the core of what I believe in for Lily. I sing it in my head numerous times a day.
As if that isn't enough of a reason, here's the kicker, and this is what I told Rani (my daughter). If I sever this love, then I sever Love. I just can't do that because I believe with all of my heart and soul in that Love. It is that Greater Good.
Besides, as I also shared with her (and this comes from a book I read), "a person must be proud of the things he chooses to do." Ultimately, I would not be proud of myself for choosing to terminate this pregnancy. I would be full of regrets. I will not live with regrets.
Our path is not going to be easy. It might not be cheap. There will probably be sadness. But I promise you, there will not be regrets.

1 comment:

  1. There won't be regrets from you...