2 am

It is during the 2 am feeding, or the feeding that is supposed to be at 2 am, when not only am I the most sleepy, but I am also the most peaceful. During this feeding, it's just me and Lily. Nothing else exists to distract me from our routine at this hour. It is quiet enough that I can hear every suck and swallow, indications that Lily is indeed nursing and getting the nourishment that she needs. The bathroom light is on, and it sheds just enough light onto Lily's face where I can make out her features but not so much that it will wake her up. I liken it to a full moon on a dark night.

It is during this feeding that I feel I connect the most with this precious baby. Our braided lives draw tautly at this hour as we sit in the stillness.

It is during this feeding that I pray and thank God for yet another day. I am holding a miracle, and I know it. She radiates this fact. I feel such a privilege to be holding such a child, not just because she is mine and she is here, but because I believe she has been touched by Him who is much greater than myself. I hope anyone who holds this little girl feels that same power.

Sometimes Lily decides she's not going back to sleep, and in the light-dark, I see the shadows of her eyes. They are so big and curious and still have the power to pull me into them.

Believe it or not, as much as I would like to get more sleep, I cherish these early hours. I hold them dearly, knowing (and fearing) that they will not last forever.