Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Last night, around 2 am, I awoke from a painful nightmare. Literally. My back was hurting. It took me a few minutes to realize that the pain would come and then go and then come back again. Am I in labor? I quietly laid in bed and waited. . .and panicked because I realized how unprepared we are. We haven't even touched the birth plan. Would I be able to make sane decisions while my body prepared for Lily's birth? I don't even have a bag packed for the hospital yet. What would we take for Lily?
But more than that. . .Rani has the flu. Would they allow her to be in the room with us? I couldn't deny Lily's sister her need to be there.
What about work? I haven't finalized the paperwork for my maternity leave. Book fair begins tomorrow. I have an intern who is relying on my presence. She needs me at work for three more weeks.
What about baptism and the burial ceremony? We've mentioned in passing both of those with our preacher, but no specifics.
As unprepared as we are for Lily's birth, it doesn't come close to how unprepared I felt thinking that if she were born last night, she would not have made it. I knew that without a doubt. I wasn't ready for that. Can't say I'll ever be ready for that. Lily was very active during all of this, and every time she'd move, I would wonder Is this the last time I'm going to feel this? Needless to say, I held on to each precious squirm and kick.
I'm not saying God answered my prayers--I don't think of those random thoughts I had as prayers, really--, but in between thinking about all the ways we needed to be prepared, I kept saying This can't be happening. It's not the right time. Please don't let this happen. I'm so thankful that it didn't.
Around 3 I decided to time the "contractions." That's when they quit. I guess it wasn't the right time after all.

1 comment:

  1. What a scary night! Did it scare you into doing a few pack a bag? I am so thankful that it wasn't time and I will be praying that you do NOT start labor for a long...long time.