We've got more, but I'll stop for now. I just can't help but continue to feel good about that experience. I think it's something Dave and I both needed.
Below is a copy of our birthplan. Please, feel free to use it. We put a lot of time and effort into creating it, so we'd love to be able to save you some time. Our process was quite methodical, which took us out of much of the emotional state, so it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Still, it wasn't easy.
Birth Plan for Lily Grace
Our Goals are that:
1. Lily be born alive
Vaginal Delivery
Jill wishes to have a vaginal birth and would like an epidural for pain but no other sedatives because she wants to be fully alert during and after Lily’s birth. If warranted, please supply Jill with oxygen to help Lily’s oxygen supply.
Should Jill need a cesarean section to keep her safe, (because of breach position), we request that any medication used allow her to be as coherent as possible.
Fetal Monitoring
We ask that fetal monitoring be performed throughout labor and delivery with the volume off, but with the option to turn it on. We ask that the nursing staff monitor Lily’s vitals and let us know if she begins showing signs of distress and having decelerations.
2. Lily’s loved ones get a chance to meet her
We have decided that our daughters, Rani and Autumn, may be present during the delivery if they wish. We would like all other family to wait in the waiting room until they are requested. We request that no one enter the room without first understanding our situation. Then only those necessary or requested should be allowed in the room. (No students, etc.)
We are requesting that your chaplain, Susan G., update our family for us on Lily’s condition. If she’s unavailable, please have a nurse or social worker do this for us.
We ask that our family and close friends be allowed to visit when we are ready for visitors. Please do not make visiting hours an issue, as this may be the only chance the family will get to meet her.We will also have our minister on call to perform a baptism if Lily is thriving after a few hours.
3. Lily be given only comfort care
Lily’s Birth
We would like the doctor to tell us the outcome of Lily’s birth directly, but with compassion. If Lily has a heartbeat, we would like Dave to have the option of cutting the umbilical cord if he chooses.
Dr. B (or one of his associates) will be present for the delivery and will consult with us regarding all decisions relating to Lily’s needs. We have spoken with him regarding Lily's condition and our perspective, and he will help us make decisions on treatment for her condition.
Procedures
We ask that Lily be placed on Jill’s stomach/chest after all necessary procedures (standard suctioning, rubbing, vigorous drying) have been performed. We request that all unnecessary procedures be delayed (weighing, measuring, footprints, eye ointment, vitamin K, etc.) for a later time. We request that Lily be warmed up using warm blankets and skin-to-skin contact (no incubator). We desire that one of us hold her, if possible, at all times.
If Lily is born with a viable heart rate and respiration, we request comfort care only. We do not wish for heroic measures (such as CPR or intubations) that will only delay her death. If the measure has the ability to allow her to thrive, we support the action.
If Lily is born with a heart rate and no respiratory effort, we would like staff to attempt PPV/ambu bag to start respirations. If Lily does not respond within a few minutes we would like to stop medical intervention.
If her heart is not beating at birth, we do not wish any attempts at CPR.
We would like Dave to accompany Lily during any procedures that must be done elsewhere.
4. Lily suffer as little as possible
Pain Medication
Please consult either Dave or Jill before administering pain medication to make Lily more comfortable. If it is to be given, we wish for it to be in the least painful and intrusive way possible. We would like Lily to be given free-flowing oxygen, if necessary.
Feeding
Jill would like to try to breastfeed Lily. If she won’t or can’t breastfeed, Jill would like to express breast milk, but we are open to suggestions of other feeding methods (including a feeding tube), which may be easier and more effective for our daughter.
5. We get to spend as much time as possible with Lily
Bathing/Dressing
We would like to have the option to give Lily her first bath and dress her.
Rooming In/NICU
We desire Lily stay in the room with us and not be in the NICU, unless she is thriving. If Lily needs to leave our room, Dave should be holding and accompanying her throughout the hospital.
6. We make and take home as many memories as possible
Photographs
We have contacted an organization called, “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.” They will be coming in to take memory photos of our family. We request that we are informed when they arrive, and that they are allowed to work unimpeded.
Keepsakes
To help us celebrate and remember this special time, we have thought about keepsakes and other things we would like to do. Here is a list; if there are other items you think we might want, we would be grateful for those suggestions:
*crib cards *hats
*blankets *lock of hair (if possible)
*hand & foot prints *bracelets
*cord clamp *lots of pictures
*molds of hands & feet (we have kits with us)
*videotaping*hospital ID bracelets
We wish for your patience and respect should we want to change this birthplan during or after the delivery.
We appreciate your understanding and your help and support and your expressions of grief, be it through tears or humor. Please do not hesitate to cry or be sad in front of us if that is how you feel.
In the event that Lily is stillborn or suffers an early death:
If Lily is stillborn, we want her to stay with us for as long as we feel necessary. We ask that you give us privacy to grieve, without abandoning us. Please notify staff members as appropriate. Please encourage us to do whatever feels right. We would also like the option to bathe and dress her, as we feel ready to do so, as a family. Also, please allow specific family members or friends to come in as we request. Depending on the circumstances, we request Lily stay with us until the funeral home arrives.
If it is her time to go, we wish for Lily’s passing to be as peaceful as possible
Thank you for acknowledging our birthplan.
Dave and Jill
