Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Dave and I have said that we hope to be in tune to what Lily has to teach us, and while it's hard to learn anything when you're in desperate need of sleep, I think Lily, in her sweet innocence, has given me the answer to one of the biggest theological questions out there: Why do bad things happen to good people? Or Why do good people suffer?

Last night, Lily cried. And cried. And cried. I think she finally fell asleep at 6:30 this morning. I got maybe 1 hour of sleep in. It was the worst night yet. None of the tricks I've gathered up my sleeve worked (well, the ten minute bath at 5:30 this morning did calm her down). And while it was probably the cream-based soup I had for dinner the night before and for lunch that day, plus a few sips of a milkshake, I can't help but worry about her. Her weight is down, and we go tomorrow to see if it's increased. The nagging question is Why?

I was lying on the couch this afternoon, trying to get a small nap in, and thinking about how much I appreciated the nights when she would wake every three hours to eat. Then I remembered how much I complained when Lily woke to eat every three hours. But you see, had I not experienced the crying-until-6:30-in-the-morning, had I not suffered, I would have never appreciated what I did have. . .even if it wasn't the best possible situation.

And I'll admit it. Until Lily, I didn't have this profoundly deep appreciation for the life we birth in our children. It was there, no doubt, but I think I took it for granted. Maybe I expected it.

I pray that there are many more lessons I can learn from this little peapod of a girl. There are some times when I am so afraid of losing her, but I try to swallow that fear and appreciate and treasure each and every moment I have with her. The suffering urges me to do that.


  1. I think I read a quote somewhere that said, "Without true suffering we can not experience true joy." And I believe that's exactly what you are saying in this post! We don't appreciate the goodness in what we have until we experience the not-so-goodness of life.

  2. I hope that you are getting a little relief during the day. It must be so difficult to have a busy two year old during the day and a fussy sweet girl at night. I bet that sleep sounds like a dream right now. I pray that this is just a season right now.

    I know that Lily will not take a bottle. I had someone give me a tip to help Mayla take a bottle (which she wouldn't do either!). Use the carnation good start formula (it tastes a little sweeter) and mix it with 25% pediasure (I've heard that some people use even more). It makes the formula taste really sweet. I thought Mayla wouldn't take the bottle because of the nipple...boy was I wrong! It does add a few extra calories to the formula but I bet Lilly needs the extra anyway. So maybe you could at least try it. Then you might be able to get a little bit of rest while your hubby took a feeding shift!

    Loves and Prayers

  3. What a beautiful, honest reflection. Thank you for sharing it so openly.

    These very special trisomy 13/18 children teach us so much about life and so many lessons.

    I hope you get some rest tonight.

  4. How beautiful your thoughts are (even sleep deprieved!!) Hoping that you're all healthy and comfortable and getting sleep soon!

  5. hey there. one of the things i learned within my first year of grief was this neat little math problem:
    suffering + obedience = glory

    our suffering points us to the cross and it really is a reminder that we are not suffering alone, no matter the circumstance, we matter to our Lord. And YOU matter to me.

    peace in the suffering.