Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Suffering

Dave and I have said that we hope to be in tune to what Lily has to teach us, and while it's hard to learn anything when you're in desperate need of sleep, I think Lily, in her sweet innocence, has given me the answer to one of the biggest theological questions out there: Why do bad things happen to good people? Or Why do good people suffer?

Last night, Lily cried. And cried. And cried. I think she finally fell asleep at 6:30 this morning. I got maybe 1 hour of sleep in. It was the worst night yet. None of the tricks I've gathered up my sleeve worked (well, the ten minute bath at 5:30 this morning did calm her down). And while it was probably the cream-based soup I had for dinner the night before and for lunch that day, plus a few sips of a milkshake, I can't help but worry about her. Her weight is down, and we go tomorrow to see if it's increased. The nagging question is Why?

I was lying on the couch this afternoon, trying to get a small nap in, and thinking about how much I appreciated the nights when she would wake every three hours to eat. Then I remembered how much I complained when Lily woke to eat every three hours. But you see, had I not experienced the crying-until-6:30-in-the-morning, had I not suffered, I would have never appreciated what I did have. . .even if it wasn't the best possible situation.

And I'll admit it. Until Lily, I didn't have this profoundly deep appreciation for the life we birth in our children. It was there, no doubt, but I think I took it for granted. Maybe I expected it.

I pray that there are many more lessons I can learn from this little peapod of a girl. There are some times when I am so afraid of losing her, but I try to swallow that fear and appreciate and treasure each and every moment I have with her. The suffering urges me to do that.

5 comments:

  1. I think I read a quote somewhere that said, "Without true suffering we can not experience true joy." And I believe that's exactly what you are saying in this post! We don't appreciate the goodness in what we have until we experience the not-so-goodness of life.

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  2. I hope that you are getting a little relief during the day. It must be so difficult to have a busy two year old during the day and a fussy sweet girl at night. I bet that sleep sounds like a dream right now. I pray that this is just a season right now.

    I know that Lily will not take a bottle. I had someone give me a tip to help Mayla take a bottle (which she wouldn't do either!). Use the carnation good start formula (it tastes a little sweeter) and mix it with 25% pediasure (I've heard that some people use even more). It makes the formula taste really sweet. I thought Mayla wouldn't take the bottle because of the nipple...boy was I wrong! It does add a few extra calories to the formula but I bet Lilly needs the extra anyway. So maybe you could at least try it. Then you might be able to get a little bit of rest while your hubby took a feeding shift!

    Loves and Prayers

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  3. What a beautiful, honest reflection. Thank you for sharing it so openly.

    These very special trisomy 13/18 children teach us so much about life and so many lessons.

    I hope you get some rest tonight.
    Barb

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  4. How beautiful your thoughts are (even sleep deprieved!!) Hoping that you're all healthy and comfortable and getting sleep soon!
    Cindy

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  5. hey there. one of the things i learned within my first year of grief was this neat little math problem:
    suffering + obedience = glory

    our suffering points us to the cross and it really is a reminder that we are not suffering alone, no matter the circumstance, we matter to our Lord. And YOU matter to me.

    peace in the suffering.
    c.

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