LG has another cold. She had one about two weeks ago along with Gabriel. Gabriel got over his a good day or two faster than Lily. I wonder if that's because he's older or if this is what we're going to see thanks to T-18. Now she's sick again. She's run a fever with this one, but the doctor says it's just a cold. So we're suctioning her nose, running the humidifier, and keeping her elevated in hopes that this won't go down into her lungs.
We kept both Lily and Gabriel out of daycare because of this, but with two older sisters in school and two educators for parents, germs are everywhere. Would it be rude of me to tell my little students not to hug me? Just kidding. But I won't hesitate if I hear sniffles.
So every once in a while, I read where a T-18 mom gets frustrated with stupid things people say. I have to admit that I've heard more than my share of she's so tiny and was she premature? that I just about want to be VERY up front and honest with the people who make those comments. I mean, really, this might be the best way to increase awareness. I say this because the other day, I was confronted with one of those she-needs-to-put-her-foot-in-her-mouth situations. Now before I tell this story, do know that I laughed about it to myself and to Rani. But there was a small part of me that was horrified. Here's what happened.
Rani and I were in her school's bookstore. The woman behind the counter, first, called me grandma when I was holding Lily. Grandma!?!?! I quickly let her know that I was the mother. Now, this was a total shock because we usually get asked if we're sisters. (I guess it's not uncommon to see young women like Rani with children at this school.) The lady kept talking and cooing and asking about Lily. How old is she? Almost 4 months. What's her name? Lily. I had a dog named Lily once. She died in my arms. If only, IF ONLY, this woman had known what her comment meant to me. But she didn't know, and that's what I have to keep reminding myself of when I come across people who say things that they don't realize has a way of. . .um, hurting. . .sometimes. When I left the bookstore, I laughed. I'd like to say that I laughed because I have a wonderful sense of humor and I can easily brush things off my shoulder, but maybe this time I laughed to keep some of the fear that so easily wants to grip my heart and rip it to shreds from creeping in.
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You always have to put yourself in those people's shoes of well-intended innocence. You're right, they have no idea what you have/are enduring; nor should most people be expected to stop and wonder if you've been thru excruciating heartbreak - it's just not part of their rose colored world. They only want to chat and be nosy because of the best of intent, having not been thru what you have. Seems you must give them a gem to make them realize how blessed you are but how they have no idea what you have been thru.
ReplyDeleteluckily in Asian countries, there's a culture of not being too nosy, so they usually don't ask more beyond age. Even then, I usually correct it to what age Vera seems like .e.g 9 months.
ReplyDeleteGrandma!?! Maybe she didn't have her glasses on.
I remember seeing a lady with a baby boy with DS in the mall. I asked her if he was hers (even though I was quite sure he was a grandchild), how old he was and his name. Then I commented, "I'll bet he's a joy, isn't he?" Her face lit up and she just gushed about how sweet he was and what a blessing! I think I made her day. But I was most sincere in talking to her, because I've always had a soft spot for children with DS.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you've definitely made me stop and think about commenting that a baby is "tiny." I never once connected a baby being small to something serious or terminal. I always just assume they're preemies. I feel awful thinking I may have caused a mom heartache. I will be more careful when I ask a new mom about her baby.
Lily is gorgeous and I wish everyone out there would see blogs like this. It would definitely open their eyes. I'm glad you were able to laugh about it. She had no idea and would have felt horrible, especially after the dog comment.
God bless.
Happy birthday, Lily!
ReplyDeleteHappy, happy birthday, LG--four beautiful months! I continue to praise God for your life! So sorry about your cold. Why d'ya have to give it to Mommy. Get better, all of you.
ReplyDelete