Still sick

It's been a week and Lily is still sick. I'm taking her back to the doctor again today. (I took her on Monday and Wednesday.) Each time, the doctor has heard nothing in her chest and said the retraction was caused by her stuffy nose. She's coughing up gunk at times--is that a good thing?--and she has a rash on her neck, so I think another appointment is in line. We go in about an hour.

I'm nervous. I read about a ten month old little girl with Trisomy 18 who was sick for three weeks and had to be admitted into the hospital for pneumonia. Sadly, she passed away. Even though I know how vulnerable Lily is, I sometimes feel like she's invincible. She's two months away from being a year old, and that just seems so. . .well, old. . .when you look at the statistics. I mean, she's almost there. So I let my guard down. And then she gets sick, and I give her medicine and suck out her nose and lay low with the therapy and think she'll be well in a few days. And a week passes. And then I begin to worry.

I guess, really, Lily will always be vulnerable. I probably should be more careful, taking her places and letting people hold her and washing hands a little more often. I admit, I get careless. It's not that I'm lacking care, it's just that, yes, sometimes, sometimes, I feel like she's invincible. And through it all, Lily is getting to experience life and love and sometimes, sickness. I always hope and pray that my motherly intuition will kick in and I'll know before her sickness gets the best of her when to take her to the doctor. I look for retraction and blue lips throughout the day. And I'm holding on to my belief that germs help us build stronger antibodies. I just hope the same holds true for my little Trisomy 18 girl.