Monday, May 16, 2016

Letting Go

I am scaling a wall. 

It is large, and it is brick, and on the other side is unknown territory.  I hate unknown territory.  It makes me worry and gives me negative thoughts and just, overall, makes me feel like a horrible person.  It reeks of everything I have no control over and covers me with fear.

Yet, I still scale this wall, compelled to get to the other side.

Imagine, your fingers holding into the cement-filled crevice between each brick.  That's how my soul has been feeling, while all of that unknown has been basking in its glory, knowing all that I do not.

It affects my relationships.  Bless Dave's heart.  He's been sitting here, night after night, listening to me analyze and fuss and worry over everything on the other side.  He's such a positive person, and I feel like I'm infecting him with all of my negativity.

It affects my Heavenly relationship.  Many times when I pray, I'm sitting on a mountain overlook.  I'm on one rock, and Jesus is on another.  And we talk.  Well. . .I talk.  He listens.  Every once in a while, He says something.  But first, I have to make it to that rock.  Lately, the path has been tangled with weeds and overgrowth, and I've had to fight it all--machete-style.  There is no reaching that rock on days the path is like that.

And this is how great and wise and wonderful my husband is.  When I told him that all of that uncertainty felt like I was scaling a wall, he gave me advice:

Just let go.

Just. Let. Go.  Let go of that wall.  Pull your fingers out of those crevices and stop scaling.  Well, now, I'd never thought about it that way before.  I was so hell-bent on climbing.  Let go?  But that means falling.

But that also means freeing my scathed soul. 

So I have let go.  I cannot tell you how freeing those three simple words have felt to me.  I let go, and I let in a more positive approach with less worry for the immediate future.  In no ways have I become Pollyanna all of a sudden, but I am definitely softening the calloused areas.  I'm starting to feel better already.  And to think. . .all I had to do was just let go.

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