Saturday, October 17, 2009

More decisions

I am about to make the hardest decision of my life. Anna, our babysitter, gave us her two-week notice on Wednesday. She has found a job where she will work in the career she went to school for. Although we are happy for her, we are sad to be losing her. She's taken great care of our little ones. For us, she's dealt with pinkeye, fevers, breathing treatments, crying, more crying, and even more crying. I know there are people out there who will do just as good of a job as Anna has done, but the emotional turmoil finding another babysitter will put me through is not something I look forward to. Unfortunately, I have trust issues.
Dave and I have been thinking that maybe I should just stay home with the kids. It's too much stress dealing with feeding Lily every three or so hours. The other night, she was crying, and I was just so exhausted that I couldn't even tend to her. She had already eaten, but I know she was still wanting to eat, but I just didn't have it in me to give her that comfort. I'm so fortunate that even though Dave works, he's still willing to get up with her when she cries, which he did when I was unable. If only she would take a bottle!
There is a fear there, actually. I'm so afraid that I'm pushing myself too hard. That there's only so much I can take until I shut down. I don't want to get to that point. That pushes me to stay home.
I know staying at home will have it's own stresses. Financially, I'm worried. We've gone through our budget, and well, we're just going to have to cut back. We have student loans we can "turn off" if we need to, but we've been working so hard to be debt free (check out this website if you have the same desire As worried as I am, I like the challenge. We're just going to have to be a little more creative. And, please, if you have any creative suggestions--cheap meals, cheap dates, cheap ANYTHING--please share!
Luckily, we have no problems communicating, and we both know the challenges we're up against. I'm hoping that awareness will keep a lot of the stress off of us.
I haven't take the leap yet, but I think it's the right thing to do. And as I've come to find out, the right decision isn't always the easiest.


  1. Jill,

    I am always thinking fo you and your family. I hope that you can find peace with the decision that you make. I'll try to think of inexpensive things for you but in the meantime just wanted to let you know that you are on my mind.

    love Shannon (Oliver's mom)

  2. I'm sure you're making the right decision, not only for Lily, but for your family. You have too many distractions right now and I feel you'll be happier and less stressed just concentrating on your family. I took a private school job for 4 years because of stress in our family. Financially, we survived (barely =) but it was worth it. I just went back to public (more stress) where I tripled the students in my kindergarten class, but doubled my pay. Sometimes things just have to be a balancing act. You'll be fine and feel less torn being home with your babies. God bless.

  3. Where He guides, He provides.

    You can do it. It IS hard. It IS a financial struggle. But it also has it's own REWARDS! I love for grocery/couponing deals, the library for free dvd rentals, browsing a book store or games with another couple for a cheap date. Just google frugal meals & you'll have more ideas than you know what to do with!

    As a family of 5, we have lived on less than 30k a year. If you need any ideas, feel free to email me privately :>)

  4. Hi Jill,

    Wonder if you have tried to drink some Chamomile tea since Lily is on breast milk when you drink this it goes into your milk and to her. This tea might help in her colic. I tried on my little girl who is 16 months old. She felt better after drinking up her milk with 2 oz of chamomile tea added.

  5. Hi Jill,
    I'm so praying God will enable you to make this difficult--but wonderful--decision without fear! I'm believing He will provide beyond anything you can expect or imagine (Eph. 3:20) and that there will be a tremendous wave of peace and relief that goes along with this change. He is able!

  6. Hi Jill I just finished reading the whole blog. It has helped me so much to hear how you fought for her when the medical world has acted like she would not make it. What a fighter you both are. I get the same feeling with some of the medical professionals I'm dealing with, I'm glad I'm not crazy for thinking they are so wrong with that attitude. I want my baby girl to be treated as if she is going to live and like she is "normal" in case she is a survivor. Anyways I will keep following your blog, thanks so much for sharing it has really touched my life.